Do Men Teach Men to be Better Men or Do Women?

I would like to know what other folks think about this. In part, because as any individual, my observations are limited to the circle and the community I am a part of and that usually in some way reflects what I believe.

My personal observation is that women teach men about women. And, they teach them how to treat women from a very young age. I have noted in my circle that boys raised by single women often are better gentlemen. Because single moms often expect their sons to share in household responsibilities they are more comfortable doing things that were once, and in some cases, considered women's work.

Beyond these superficial aspects of household contributions, which are nonetheless important, without the buffer of a husband, a son sees how women respond to life's victories and its challenges. Single parenting isn't easy and these boys often grow up with an appreciation of women's contributions. They see the emotional side of women and learn how they think. Often, if the relationship is healthy and the bond between parent and child strong, mutual growth and understanding occurs, both the mother and son become better people. Boundaries and communication abilities are established that sometimes a two parent family overlooks.

I know in my circle, some of the best young gentlemen where raised by single moms. What do you think?

Accept Less Instead of Expect More?

Ian, my friend, your wisdom weaves through piles of disappointments, stacked up by decades of wondering what happened to the greatness of a gentle "man". That quiet strength that holds the space for a woman to be her best self--thus reflecting the brightness of his best self.

I have to wonder why men and women are showing up to their relationships with their less than their best selves. Perhaps, the relationship we to have first is the relationship with ourself. Do women trust themselves to expect and get the best? Or, do we think this is as good as we can get? If so, at what age, what point in life, do we accept less instead of expect more?

I think too often, women are so afraid of being alone or maybe it is the dread shouldering the full responsibility of their lives whether as a student, career woman and/or parent, that we often end up accepting less than the best. Fear mixed with not thinking or knowing you deserve better might be at least a good starting point. Plus, we are just so good at making excuses for bad behavior.

What Will be Required of Us?

A smile. What I know is that I like smiles, genuine, open easy smiles. Laughter that dances off the lips of a great smile that changes a life in a moment of unexpected joy. Everyday, we are confronted with the choice of bitter or better. What will be required of us as we continue this theme of being a better human is looking for the better way. The better way to be a citizen, a friend, a neighbor and be better in all of our relationships.

As a woman of a certain age, which incidentally is a wonderful age, the years have often piled up a few tears. Women my age, often show up in life with baggage and feel they have nothing left to give...they gave it all way. To the job, to their children, to their boyfriend, husband or a cause they care about, but they forget themselves, leaving them empty...bitter or better?? Bitterness can take a big bite, so even if there isn't much left to give we need to find a smile deep down on that day when life seems overwhelming and give it to that person who seems to need that parking space a little more than we do.

And, perhaps, we just need to look in the mirror and instead of looking what we don't like--we look and see just how amazing we really are. That simple act can be the thing to set a chain of events is the better way, not the bitter way.

If I think I am amazing, I will probably see that you are incredible.